Spectator.  According to the wrinkled-up pages of the thesaurus on my shelf, synonyms for this word are “onlooker,” “bystander,” “watcher,” and (the one that makes my stomach tighten) “nonparticipant.” This is what I’ve been in my own life for almost a year now.  A spectator sitting back….looking on as my day-to-day unwraps itself slowly, like a Christmas … More The Spectator