Abandoned?

I have a confession to make.  Sometimes I get on my knees to pray and {for just a tiny, split-second} I wonder if Anyone is actually listening.

In one week’s time, a beautiful wife & mother of 4 young children lost her year-long battle with brain cancer.  That freaking repulsive tumor stripped her of her memory and robbed her of the time she should’ve had to laugh at her husband’s not-so-funny jokes and teach her children how to cook top-secret family recipes.

In one week’s time, another momma kissed her only daughter {a child with significant special needs} goodbye for the next whole, entire year and sent her halfway across the country to get the help she so desperately needs.  Because if this offers one small shot at living a semi-normal life (and this particular momma has breath in her lungs), nothing–not even a distance that feels like one million miles–is gonna stand in her way of giving her not-so-baby girl that chance.

In one week’s time,  yet another went from planning a much-deserved getaway with her husband to wrapping her mind around how her big, strong, faith-filled daddy suddenly has lymphoma.  And now I find myself texting her question words accompanied by “prognosis,” “options,”  and “treatments” when just last week I was texting words like “Broadway” and “reservations.”

And by the end of a week like this there is a nagging voice that wants me to believe that all those prayers I prayed were for nothing–That I have been abandoned by the One I offered my soul to long ago.  Yes, even the most sure Christian lady doubts the goodness of her Christ sometimes…

The battle rages.  Questions swirl.  They’re not “Is He real?”, but “Does He care?”  They’re not “Did He ever..?,” but “Does He still..?”  I wonder how good these “good plans” are that we were promised.   And His promises of nearness feel like they were lost in some translation as the words from His book try to seep from my head into my broken heart.

In these moments of my weakness–in my deep abyss of doubt–He doesn’t whisper “How dare you…” or “How could you..?”  Instead, a Still, Small voice is pleading: “Scoop up all your pain and come closer. Lay it on my lap and rest your weary heart. My arms are big enough for all my baby girls.

{Slowly, the Sonlight begins to peek through the windows of the abandoned heart I made His home many years ago…}

abandoned-1845188_1280

No.  In these moments we have not been abandoned.  In these moments He has never been more near.  

pmsig4

*This post is part of an online community. A prompt is given every Friday and we are encouraged to just free-write for 5 minutes and post it to our blogs without over-thinking or editing. If you’d like to participate, you can get more info and link-up on this site. This week’s writing prompt was, “Abandon.”

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Abandoned?

    1. You’re never alone, sister. If you are in Him, you are NEVER alone. The struggle is real and it is hard, but when we bear one another’s burdens the load feels a little lighter. Thank you for reading. I’m glad you connected with my story.

      Like

    1. Right? And “How do I muster up the faith to accept it when He chooses not to?” Anybody who becomes a Christian because they think it will be easy is surely kidding themselves! Thank you for reading, sister.

      Like

  1. I can so relate to moments like these. Have prayed the same prayers and thought the same thoughts so many times over the last few years. It always takes me way too long to realize that these times He feels so far away are when He is so very near!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for this beautiful offering. Knowing that God is not abandoning us in challenging times but is instead drawing ever closer is so comforting. Blessed to have you visit me and love that I was able to read your words too.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sometimes it feel like life is so complicated and then something happens to remind you how grateful you should be for all the good things in your life. Everyone has different struggles, but so often mine are just ripples in the pond compared to someone else. But I still find moments of why God and doubts of his power. What a great reminder of how he is always in control and to trust in Him, especially when life is hard and doesn’t make any sense.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s