Merry Monday Mayhem

Typically I’m not a fan of Mondays. I don’t blog on Mondays because Mondays make my brain hurt. Mondays in the Crabb Shack can be best described in one word: Mayhem.

Take today, for example. After breakfast we went to the grocery store. Came home, unpacked groceries, threw dinner-type things in the crock pot, and started our summer math lessons (Yes. I said “summer math.” I’m a former school-teacher-turned-homeschool- mom and an overachiever and we do math lessons all summer, every summer because I suck at teaching math and I’m paranoid my kids will suck at math because of me). As we were finishing math, the piano teacher arrived. By the time piano lessons wrapped up it was time to leave to drop the oldest off at football practice. Came home, had a quick lunch, packed up karate gear and took Nate to swim team practice. After practice, he changed and off we went to karate for weapons training. Dropped Nate off, picked up Jimmy. Dropped Jimmy off, dropped off Jimmy’s teammate who needed a ride home too, took the girls to karate, came home from karate, took Jimmy to a friend’s house, and finally sat down to eat the dinner I started cooking at 10:30am somewhere around 8:30pm. This, my friends, is why I don’t love Mondays. Pure, ridiculous, mayhem.

But something was happening on this particular Monday that had the power to turn my Monday Mayhem into a Merry Monday. It’s a little something known to Americans as “Prime Day.” On this particular day, Amazon Prime slashes prices and those of us who camp in the Kool Kidz Club via our Prime Memberships get to buy all the things we want and mostly don’t really need for VERY CHEAP PRICES. I confess I was feeling a little bummed because all signs pointed to this Prime Day being a major bust. I was in the market for one thing and one thing only. I had been checking the Prime Deals Pages since Sunday afternoon and there was NO RELIABLE EVIDENCE that my ONE THING was gonna make the price cut this year.

So here I sat. At 9:43pm. Feeling a little sad about Prime Day but mostly exhausted from the day’s events. I was just getting ready to run a hot bath when the most glorious text message arrived on my phone screen:

And just like that the day had been saved!! Suddenly it was a Merry Monday after all! It was like Christmas in July! The 8 qt. Instant Pot of my dreams is indeed on sale for Prime Day and guess who got one cheaper than the 6 qt. pot that would basically feed only the growing boys in this house and leave the girls eating natural peanut butter and homemade jam on organic, non-GMO bread for the rest of our lives??? This girl! This girl right here! At long last, I have ordered my Instant Pot and my life as a domestic goddess shall henceforth never be the same. This handy-dandy little invention is the one thing I desired, friends! It may save my family from the evils of drive-thrus and processed foods and be the only way we will eat real, healthy, home-cooked food and survive the mayhem of our summer and fall schedule this year….at least these are all the things I’ve been telling myself and I try very hard to never lie to myself or convince myself of irrational and ridiculous half-truths that may have little to no factual basis.

I once wrote a letter to Monday and it went something like this:

Dear Monday,
You suck. I should’ve listened to what others said about you but noooo—I’m too stubborn. I should’ve known the second I got into the car and spilled green smoothie all down the front & inside of my favorite v-neck tshirt but I’m naive and i believe in second chances. But then the ONLY road leading to the most epic birthday hangout destination was closed, we were late to karate bc the gate was locked down and the traffic was backed up, and my post-dinner “surprise” included finding that the ants were marching one-by-one across my classroom floor for the SECOND DAY IN A ROW….well, let’s just say we are done. Finished. We are breaking up. It’s not me, it’s you. I hate you now. From the moment I woke up, I vowed not to let you get the best of me but I take it all back now. My cup of tea and my new summery pink nail polish are bidding you farewell. We are retiring to my room to paint my fingers and toes and watch old episodes of the Gilmore Gilrs until we fall asleep. Chao. Buenas noches. And DON’T bother to call me tomorrow.

But today? Today I take it all back. Today I write a new letter:

Dear Monday of Long Ago,

I rocked this Monday like a boss! I did all the things and fed all my people and there aren’t even dishes in my sink right now AND I GOT AN INSTANT POT ON SALE ON PRIME DAY!! Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Monday! Whatcha got now? You aren’t the boss of me anymore. If I lived in Philly I would run up those stairs like Rocky Balboa and throw throat punches at you and karate kick the air because I own you now! You are mine and the Instant Pot is mine and #allIdoiswinwinwinnomatterwhat

So, Merry Monday my friends! May YOU get an Instant Pot, and YOU get an Instant Pot, and may EVERYONE WHO WANTS ONE get an Instant Pot!! May we get the deals of our dreams on Prime Day and may we rock all the Mondays like Hendrix rocked his guitar! May every Monday feel like Christmas in July and may there be coffee, dark chocolate, and wine in abundance for those that don’t. May the odds ever be in your favor!